Trusting His Goodness

I wrote a couple of similar posts on this topic awhile back.  You can read them here and here.  

And yet, my soul still wrestles.  My faith is sometimes shaken.  

I know that God is good.  I know.  He is the One who defines what it means to be good.  The Lord is good, and His love endures forever.

But this world is full of so much that is not good.  This new year has brought many unexpected hardships in the lives of those around me.  

Cancer.  Divorce.  Unexpected loss.  Infertility.  Miscarriage.  Illness.  Injustice.  Struggle.

I started to ask myself... at what point does "God is good" simply become a mantra of which we try to convince ourselves rather than a truth that is evident in this life?  When life's not-good moments hit me one after another, I find my spirit crying out in anger... Is this what You call good? What makes You so good if this is what You give?

Guilt burdened me as I wrestled with these thoughts.  And then I started reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp - a book that examines the exact thoughts I was thinking, feelings I was feeling, and struggles I was facing.  The author writes in such a raw, emotional way.  She describes the not-good moments of her life - namely, the tragic death of her younger sister.  There's no way I could capture the expression of this book, but I wanted to share a few pieces that have inspired lightbulb moments for me.

"Here dies another day during which I have had eyes, ears, hands, and the great world 'round me; and with tomorrow begins another.  Why am I allowed two?

Why doesn't anyone ask that question? Why are we allowed two? Why lavished with three? A whole string of grace days? 

This is so true.  When bad things happen, everyone points the finger at God and asks, "Where were You?" But when we are blessed with good things, things which we don't deserve, how many of us stop and give God the credit?

I'll leave you with the most thought-provoking passage I've read in the book so far.  It's long, but I promise it's worth the read.  

"Do I believe in a God who rouses Himself just now and then to spill a bit of benevolence on hemorrhaging humanity? A God who breaks through the carapace of this orb only now and then, surprises us with a spared hand, a reprieve from sickness, a good job and a nice house in the burbs - and then finds Himself again too impotent to deal with all I see as suffering and evil? A God of sporadic, random, splattering goodness that now and then splatters across a gratitude journal? Somebody tell me: what are all the other moments?"

"I won't shield God from my anguish by claiming He's not involved in the ache of this world and Satan prowls, but he's a lion on a leash and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, and I can cry and I can howl and He embraces the David-hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief and I can moan deep that He did this - and He did... If I had the perspective of the whole, perhaps I'd see it? That which seems evil, is it a cloud to bring rain, to bring a greater good to the whole of the world? Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life?"