decisions, decisions

Well, it looks like this last Clomid cycle is a bust. Blood work will soon confirm that. The hard part now is deciding where to go from here.  I talked to someone at our insurance company today about fertility treatments.  She told me that they are not generally covered, but that I should call back with each procedure code as they come.

So there's that.

And then the idea of adopting now was sounding really good until I started looking into some agencies.  The wait time is almost three years.  Wow.

I need direction.  Where are we supposed to go from here? Both routes have the potential to be expensive, time-consuming, and ultimately a letdown.  We need to be wise about where we decide to invest our savings, efforts, and time.

If you're a praying person, please send up a quick one for us as you think of it.

sickness update

Sorry I've been MIA the last week, but Everlyn is still sick.  I took her to the doctor last Friday, but our normal pediatrician wasn't available.  The doctor we saw diagnosed her with a virus and croup cough.  He gave her five days of low steroids to help open her airways.  Fast forward a week and the poor girl was still so sick.  She could barely breathe because her chest was so congested, so I took her back in to see her regular doctor.  She confirmed my suspicions - it wasn't croup after all.  Although she didn't give us an exact diagnosis, she sent us home with a machine to do breathing treatments two to three times a day for at least a week.  It seems to be helping a little so far, but my little bean is still under the weather.

In other news, I am waiting to start round three of clomid after confirmation that the second attempt also failed.  The nurse told me that this would be the highest dosage.  If it doesn't work, I'll be referred to a specialist.

all over again

I'm gonna go ahead and put this out there.  I'll probably regret it, and I may even end up deleting this post, but I'm feeling open right now.

We want another baby.

We've both always wanted a large family, but that became less realistic when we began our battle with infertility after we got married.  Now, we're facing that battle for the second time.  We haven't ever been preventing a second baby, but I've been taking the same fertility medication (Clomid) since January that we used to get pregnant with Evie.  There's only one difference.

It isn't working this time.

With Everlyn, all it took was the lowest dose to get things back in order in my body.  This time, that dosage didn't do the trick, so we doubled it.  So far, nothing.

I don't know what's next or where to go from here.

Now that we have Evie, I feel guilty for wanting another child.  After all, there are plenty of couples out there longing for a baby, but their arms will remain empty.  I feel selfish.  But this is how I feel, and I just need to be real about it right now.  

I expected our attempts at a second pregnancy to be less of a battle.  After all, we already knew a bit of what to expect.  Unfortunately, the emotions and struggles are just as real this time around.  I guess we'll see where things go from here.