So maybe you didn't know... my husband is a youth pastor. Yep, I am a pastor's wife.
And I've got to be totally honest - being a pastor's wife really sucks sometimes.
I don't mean that in disrespect to God or the church. I am so thankful that my husband has a job in his area of passion. But man oh man, nobody told me what I was signing up for.
I've been struggling a lot in this role lately, so I've been looking for support on the internet. What I have found is shocking, but also comforting in some ways. Many pastor's wives have made the comment that their husbands give their best to their ministry, leaving their family to survive on the "leftovers" or the "crumbs." A TIME article commented that 88% of pastor's wives experience depression, and 80% feel unappreciated in their role. They feel lonely. Sometimes, they come to resent their husbands' commitments to ministry.
Looking back, our marriage started out full force in ministry. We left for a week of summer camp just a couple days on our return from our honeymoon. It was a rough beginning. Just when it seemed like we were getting used to the time commitments and crazy schedules, we had a baby. That's when it got especially difficult for me. I remember when Evie was only two months old, Chris left for a week long mission trip. The baby and I were originally supposed to go on the trip with him, but he decided that we might be a distraction to the group. Plus, we obviously wouldn't be doing much work. So we spent the week alone. I cried every night. I felt abandoned.
Now that Everlyn is a bit older, it's been easier for me to get used to taking care of her alone while Chris runs his ministry. I try to come to most youth events, but a baby on a nap schedule with an 8:00 bedtime often eliminates my availability. When I do come, I sometimes feel like I am just "hired help" who is there to watch the baby and stay out of everyone's way. I'm usually sitting on the floor in the atrium with her while everybody is in service.
It's been lonely lately. And yet, there aren't that many people in the same role who can possibly understand. Furthermore, it's a delicate subject. I can't talk too much to anyone about it because I don't want them to lose any respect for my husband, his ministry, or the church.
I don't really have any easy answers about all of this, but here are some resources I've found helpful.
I feel part of your pain. Whenever I want to go to church or a evening special event, It means sitting out of service with the baby. Also at least your being honest on here. I would encourage youto rely on God more I'm sure you have to anyway. pray pray, maybe a prayer journal. That helps me. GOD knows exactly what he is doing in your life right now.
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