the happenings

I know it's been a long time since I've updated this little corner, but whenever I sit down to do it, I am just so exhausted.  So much has happened, not necessarily in our lives, but in the lives of some people we dearly love.  It's been an emotional few months.

For starters, Evie and I have been sick on and off since the beginning of December.  We both had the flu, then I had bronchitis for a month and she got a virus.  Just as we were on the mend, she got an ear infection and a sinus infection.  My poor baby.  As of now though, we are all doing much better and are hoping to stay that way.

A few weeks ago, one of Chris' oldest and dearest friends was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer.  (Only 50 cases in history.) He went from being diagnosed one day to surgery the next and has already finished his first round of very aggressive chemo.  Perhaps the thing that makes this so much more difficult is that he is supposed to get married in October.  My heart is absolutely broken for this diagnosis, but I fully believe that God is our Healer and can use this as an incredible testimony.  In the mean time, Chris asked me to buzz his head in support of his friend.  

And oh, there are so many other hard things happening to those around us.  My brother is being tested for MS.  A friend recently suffered a miscarriage.  Another of Chris' old friends lost his father to a sudden heart attack.  A mother from MOPS has been staying with her new baby girl in the hospital for several weeks now after the baby had open heart surgery and many complications.  

There is just. so. much.

And yet, here we are, eagerly awaiting the arrival of our second precious baby, who could come any day now.  It almost feels wrong to be experiencing such joy and anticipation as we watch those we love go through the darkest of times.  I know that we are to laugh with those who laugh and weep with those who weep, which we have been doing, but I feel guilty asking others to laugh with us in our happy times when they may be hurting.  And yet, I know that the joy of the Lord is our strength.  Perhaps the joy we have to share with others in our good moments will be the strength they need to get through their own difficult ones.

my little love

Hi my beautiful baby.  It was so good to see you again yesterday.  Your daddy and I can't wait to finally meet you in person.  We love you so much already.

"You are loved more than you know.

I hereby pledge all of my days 

To prove it so.

Though your heart is far too young to realize

The unimaginable light you hold inside."

the details

So yes, the secret is finally out - we are expecting baby #2.  It happened just when I had about given up hope.  We were on our very last cycle of clomid before there would be a mandatory break from the medication, along with visits to a fertility specialist.  And then, on June 25, I took a pregnancy test in the wee hours of the morning.  And it was positive.

And I couldn't believe it.  As much as I wanted to break the news to Chris in some creative, special way, I couldn't contain my joy and excitement.  I ran right into the bedroom and turned on the light, startling him awake.  And then I told him.  He jumped up and was so surprised and happy right away.

Around 5 weeks, we had a blood test and early ultrasound to confirm.  I was already beginning to feel sick, so the doctor wanted to see if there might be multiple babies.  (Thankfully, no.)  Since then, we have had two more ultrasounds where we got to see our tiny peanut.  Even the second time around, it is surreal.

But ahh, the symptoms.  I have been extremely sick this pregnancy.  I was sick with Evie to the point where I vomited most days for a few early months, but it was nothing compared to this.  I have been nauseous and vomiting since week 5.  It's now week 15, and though things are getting much better, I still vomit most days.  We even had to spend some quality time in the emergency room because I was so dehydrated.  At another appointment, my urine analysis confirmed that I was spilling ketones and proteins.  Thankfully, they didn't send me back to the hospital that time.  As awful as I feel much of the time, I still can hardly believe that we have been entrusted with another tiny baby.  We are not deserving, yet God has blessed us greatly.

Our anatomy scan is coming up in a few weeks, but we are not planning to find out if we are expecting a boy or girl.  As difficult as it might be, I know it will make the birth so much more exciting.  We're just going to do a very simple, neutral nursery.  It will be lovely though.

Now that the emotional journey of infertility treatments/appointments are over for the time, I can't help but lament that this will likely be my last pregnancy.  I know that sounds selfish for me to say right now, especially with so many people struggling to get pregnant.  I don't mean it that way.  It's just that I don't want to put myself and our marriage through the emotionally exhausting regimen of fertility medication again, or at least for a very long time.  It's stressful, and it's simply not fun at all.  We do have hopes to adopt in the future, though it is a very lengthy process.  And I'm sure it's very different from pregnancy.  So for the time being, I'm trying my very best to cherish these short months and enjoy every moment as we eagerly await our miracle baby.

pregnant

Yes, I'm pregnant! Fifteen weeks today, due on March 5.  I'll save the details for another post.

God is so good to us - much beyond we ever deserve.