Infertility.
How did I deal with it the first time around? Why does it seem harder now, even though we have been beyond blessed with the sweetest little girl?
When we were struggling with infertility the first time, I remember thinking that surely those emotions would be forever banished once we had a baby.
No more stress. No more jealousy. No more longing.
Why was I wrong?
A lot of people in my life who have babies around Evie's age are pregnant again. And I feel that hole in my heart growing slowly, aching for yet another little miracle.
It's not baby fever. It's something deeper, darker, more painful. I'm tired of juggling prescriptions. I'm tired of constant doctor appointments and blood tests.
Surprisingly, I don't find myself thinking, Why me? Instead, doubt and guilt creep into my mind. Maybe you weren't supposed to be a mom.
But just when I find myself in low spirits, my precious baby girl lights up my moments with smiles, laughter, and happy squeals. She helps me remember that I am so very blessed.
Count your blessings, Erica. Be thankful, not bitter. Trust.
I completely identify with your feelings and feel them, too. You are not alone! My prayer lately has been for a healthy, happy sibling for M, but mostly for contentment with the family that God has given us in the three of us; perhaps that might resonate with you, too!
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