I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of mother I am. And what kind of mother I want to be. I am a people pleaser, so every time someone tells me what I should be doing for my daughter, I feel like I have to do that thing so that I will have their approval.
So that they'll think of me as a good mom.
Am I a good mom? This question haunts me sometimes when I'm feeling at my lowest. When I am tired or upset and Evie is screaming. Am I a good mom?
Part of it is my nature to please, to be the best, to gain approval. But I also blame our society. Being a "good mom" now means doing everything organic. It means loving motherhood at all times. It means taking artsy family pictures and putting them up for everyone to see your happy family.
Ultimately, it can mean putting on a show.
I never see people blogging about how they fed their kids McDonalds for dinner, even just once. I don't read about how frustrating a crying baby can be. I don't see pictures of moms in sweats or without makeup.
And I often ask myself - Is this how people really live? And why can't I seem to pull it off?
But I think the truth is that most people don't live that way, at least, not all of the time. Maybe we're all too busy trying to act like we've got it together. Maybe we need to tell each other that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. It's okay to choose convenience once in awhile. It's okay not to always be picture perfect.
Life is messy. It hurts sometimes. But if we aren't willing to admit that, then there is no growth, no healing.
Our babies aren't necessarily going to remember that we fed them homemade organic baby food. They won't dwell on the fact that we sang them lullabies or dressed them in trendy clothes. Instead, they'll remember how we made them feel, what we taught them, and the time we shared with them. That time can be just as well spent eating chicken nuggets as it can over a home cooked meal.
From now on, let's just keep it real.
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