The Sleep Battle

Ugh.

I wish someone would have told me that a baby who eventually sleeps through the night will just as easily go back to not sleeping through the night.  I guess I was just naive. :]  This last week has been a real doozy when it comes to bedtime/naptimes.  I've read about the so-called "eight month sleep regression."  I guess that's what we're going through? I don't know.  Everlyn has never been a good sleeper, which is why I hate when people ask me, "Is she a good baby?"  How am I supposed to answer that? She's a happy, playful, curious, stubborn baby girl who just happens to loathe sleep. 

But we're talking a real battle here now.  A war.  I am fighting for every minute of shuteye I can get.

The thing is, I don't have a clue what to do.  Evie falls asleep, only to be wide awake as soon as she touches her mattress.  So I rock her, I sing, I shush.  We play soft music or white noise.  She eventually turns into a wet noodle in my arms, only to perk right up and start wailing when I lay her down.  My guess is that she's experiencing separation anxiety.  She stops crying as soon as we open her bedroom door.  (Not to mention all the growing and developing her little body is going through.)

But the more reading I do, the more uncertain I am of what to do.  Most moms/parents/experts/random people who want to give advice/ fall into one of two categories.  The first is the "cry-it-out" group.  They say things like, "It's hard, but you have to let her cry." Or, "Babies cry! That's what they do."  The most compelling thing I've heard is, "We let our younger ones cry-it-out, and they became much happier babies and better sleepers later on." Then there is the "attachment parenting" group.  These people often co-sleep with their babies, though not always.  They advocate for running to the baby immediately every time he/she cries.  They'll say things like, "Babies only cry when they need something." Or they'll say, "A baby who cries himself to sleep has lost hope that his parents can be trusted."  Or, my favorite, "There's a reason why your instinct tells you to go comfort your child." 

Again, ugh.

I can't seem to figure out which group I belong in.  On one hand, I want my daughter to know that I will always be there for her when she needs me.  I want her to trust me.  My mama heart does tell me to go comfort her.  On the other hand, I want Evie to learn to be a good sleeper.  I want her to be well-rested and develop good habits.  And I know that sometimes (most of the time) the right thing to do may not feel easy.  So what I've ended up with thus far is an inconsistent, mostly-attached-until-further-notice "style" of dealing with sleep.  What does that look like? For now, Chris and I take turns putting Evie to bed.  When she starts crying, we give her a few minutes before one of us returns to her room.  This continues until we get lucky and she stays asleep or until she is too exhausted to fight it anymore.  She undoubtedly wakes again around two or three, only for us to have to go through the entire routine again.  This usually takes about an hour and a half.  At naptimes, I usually end up spending more time rocking her than she actually spends sleeping.  And although people have often suggested co-sleeping, Chris and I decided before Evie was born that we do not believe in co-sleeping with our babies.  For one, I know of too many parents who can't get their children to sleep in their own beds because they have always co-slept. (We're talking some kids as old as ten. Ten years.) Furthermore, parenting takes such a toll on marriage as it is, so we believe that our bed should be sacred.  So, no co-sleeping for us. What to do? I wish I knew what the right thing was.  But I'm beginning to suspect that there is no "right" way, which doesn't help me either.   

So here I am... sleep-deprived until further notice.