I read this post today.
I wanted to cry. Somebody else understands.
If I'm being honest, I absolutely did not feel totally "in love" with Evie when she was first born. Not at all. The first time Chris left me to go to work, I wanted to run away and just disappear. I had so much anxiety about caring for a new baby. And I still feel really guilty just admitting all of that. But I remember the first time I felt truly in love with her. It was in the middle of the night. She was probably a few weeks old. I was in a terribly sleep-deprived blur of frustration trying to get her to sleep. She was screaming. I was rocking her, bouncing her, snuggling her, anything I could do. All of a sudden, she stopped crying, and she looked up at me in the dark. She just looked at me, and I looked back at her. And I loved her. I don't know why it was this moment, but it was. That love has continued to grow and blossom ever since. My heart now is bursting with love for my little girl.
But I want other new mamas to know that it's okay to feel this way. Sure, it's not something that most people want to talk about, but it's reality. And it does get better, I promise. Don't be so hard on yourself. As cliche as it sounds, motherhood is absolutely the most difficult thing you will ever do. I didn't fully believe that until I became a mom myself.
Just remember, you're doing a great job. Give yourself a break sometimes.
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