Let me start off by saying that I don't play the lottery. Never have. But I've always been one of those people who prayed something like, "Lord, if you'll just make me rich, I promise I'll give tons of money to people in need. I could help so many people! And I promise I won't become a crazy, mean, snobby person. Amen."
Okay, maybe not those exact words, but you get the idea.
Lately, I've encountered so many needs, especially in people and places close to me. Some are relatively small, while others are much more extensive. Each time I'm made aware of a need, I come up with so many ideas about how to help. And then, almost immediately, I come up with so many reasons why I can't be the one to do them.
We really should be saving money. Saving is important, right? Besides, having a baby is so expensive! And Christmas is coming up, which means we'll be spending more money than usual. And I know we've got bills on the way, and gas prices keep going up....
Blah blah blah. Yesterday was one of those days. I was sitting on my kitchen floor putting groceries away, thinking of all the people I wanted to help. And then I kind of threw it at God again - If You'll just give us a little extra, I'll gladly give it away to help people. As I was doing this, I was getting frustrated because I couldn't find a way to organize our canned goods so that all of them would fit in the cupboard. Oh, if only we were rich.... then I'd be able to help. More can-shoving commences. If only we had more...
Lightbulb.
Duh! Here I am, angry that I can't fit all of my food in the cupboard as I wishfully ask God to be rich. Do you see the contradiction here? I am rich. Filthy rich, especially compared to the world's population. (I think the average American is in the top 2% wealthiest people in the world? Something like that.) It was like God served me a huge reality slap (in a loving way, of course). Look at how I have blessed you. You are rich already. Why do you ask for more when you have so much?
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:11-13
Then it was a huge guilt trip. I have never truly known what it is like to be in need. I have always had food, shelter, clothing, friends, family, education, etc. etc. etc. Yet, I want more. And I try to justify it by "bribing" God with how I could help people.
I'm going to end with this. It's a paraphrase from the book The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. This is his paraphrase of Jesus in Matthew 25.
For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved.
-Richard Stearns (Matthew 25)
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