This Too Shall Pass

When I was pregnant, people would make jokes about how we should prepare ourselves for not sleeping when the baby was born.  I would complain about pulling an all-nighter for school, and someone would always reply, "You better get used to it!" What I didn't realize at the time is that people who talk about new parents not getting any sleep are right.  We literally get no sleep.  Every night, Evie begins to fuss around midnight.  This fussing leads to wakefulness (on her part) and crying (on both of our parts) until about 5 a.m.  We try to soothe her - we play music, we rock her, we cuddle her.  Nothing works.  She just wails and wails.  Sometimes she will fall into a light sleep, but she wakes up as soon as we lay her down.  And then around 5:30 or 6, she decides that she is tired and falls fast asleep.

Needless to say, we are not getting any sleep.  Literally.

I found myself in a mixture of panic and frustration.  Panic because people are already asking if she is sleeping through the night.  Hello, she's only 3 weeks and 1 day old! No, she's not sleeping through the night! In fact, she's not sleeping at all at night. We have tried all of the recommendations - swaddling, swings, laying her down awake, laying her down asleep, music, white noise, and on and on.  She just hasn't figured it out yet I guess. I also get frustrated when it's 3:00 in the morning and it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  I find myself literally begging poor little Evie to please sleep for awhile.  Please.  And of course, that does nothing to help her sleep. 

All of this leads me to desperately asking other moms for advice.  What do I do?! And amidst all of the aforementioned recommendations, I find several moms saying, "Hang in there, this is the rough part. It only gets easier.  This too shall pass."  And I have to stop and think - am I expecting too much from this sweet little girl? She is so little in a brand new environment, and I am expecting her to have it all figured out after only 3 weeks.  How can I be so demanding? She is not expecting me to be perfect, and I should not expect that from her.  As much as I desperately want her to start sleeping through the night, I am trying to learn to cherish these moments because I know they will be gone all too soon.  And while I find comfort in knowing that "this too shall pass," it also makes my heart ache a little knowing how quickly she will grow up.  I have no doubt that I will one day look back and long for her to be a new baby again, all-nighters and all.  I need to hold on to these times, trying as they may seem in the present.

Yes, this too shall pass.  So I need to enjoy it before it does.

Evie Rae o' Sunshine

I am so excited to say that Everlyn Rae Hansen is finally here! She was born on Monday, May 7 at 8:30 pm.  She weighed in at 7 pounds exactly and was 19 3/4 inches long. She looks just like her daddy :)

Now for the birth story... I'm writing this because I want to remember every detail of the day.  Even though it was just a week ago, it already seems foggy in my memory.

Monday morning, we went in for our weekly OB checkup.  I had been 2 cm for quite some time with no signs of labor, so I wasn't expecting much.  The doctor checked me and said that I was 3 cm and 70% effaced.  Since I still wasn't having any labor signs, she said that we would discuss an induction at my next appointment, although she suspected that the baby would be born before then.  (And man, was she right!)  When I mentioned that the baby's movements had slowed down, she sent me down the hall for a quick NST.  Well, we ended up waiting for an hour while I was hooked up to the machine.  The nurses came in periodically, and they even gave me a sucker to try and wake up the baby.  After some time, they told me very casually that we should go in to triage for a quick fluid check, just to be sure that the baby was doing okay.  They didn't make a big deal out of it at all, so we weren't concerned.  (Side note: we did stop home and grab our hospital bags on my recommendation, but we did not eat lunch... big mistake.)  Labor and delivery was full when we got to the hospital - there weren't even any seats open in the waiting room!  When the nurse took us back into triage, they did a quick ultra sound and monitored the baby's heartbeat.  My OB happened to be the one on call, so she was able to review my file while we waited.  She said she wanted to do an OCT (Oxytocin Challenge Test) to see how the baby responded to contractions.  Apparently, her heartbeat had dipped when I had braxton hicks contractions.  The plan was to administer pitocin, see her response, and then send me home if all went well.  However, the ultrasound also indicated that the fluid levels were on the low side.  To our huge surprise, my doctor decided to admit me to L&D and begin an induction by breaking my water and starting pitocin! Yikes! We called our parents but told them that there was no rush - the doctor didn't expect little Evie to make her appearance until the next morning.  Around 3:00, Dr. W came in and broke my water.  My contractions started almost immediately, and they were already 3 minutes apart! Nevertheless, the started a low dose of pitocin about 20 minutes later.  When she checked me, I was still a "tight 3 cm."  The contractions started coming every 2 minutes, and I was in serious pain.  I squeezed Chris' hand and asked threatened him into talking me through each contraction.  At one point, I even grabbed the bill of his ball cap because I wanted him to talk to me more (but I couldn't talk to tell him that...)  His mom arrived close to 5:00, and his sister came in shortly after.  My mom was on her way back from a trip to Lapeer for work, but we told her not to rush.  I was in so much pain that I finally asked for some Nubane to take the edge off.  The nurse warned me that it would not help my pain, but it would have a "three margarita" effect on me.  I felt immediate relaxation, but it seemed to only last a few minutes.  I kept asking Chris if he thought they needed to give me more - he just laughed, assuming it was the effects of the medication.  When Dr. W came in around 7:00 to check me again, she announced that I was already 8 cm! Chris' mom quickly called my mom, who was almost to the hospital.  She finally came in around 7:15, just after the doctor said that I was 9.5 cm and about ready to push! I quickly told her that she needed to leave.  Chris pushed the call button for a doctor three times (it seemed like hours of nobody coming to our room, though I'm sure it was no more than a couple of minutes.)  The third time, I finally yelled, "I need to push!"  Dr. W and a few residents came in and told me that I could start pushing with my next contractions.  I remember actually feeling pain relief during the pushing - it was probably the least painful part of the entire labor.  I could see Evie's head coming out, and she had a lot of dark hair! Each push seemed to completely exhaust me, and I looked forward to the breaks between contractions.  The doctor did mention using a vacuum since Evie's heartbeat was still dipping, but it seemed to stabilize enough that she was comfortable holding off.  When Evie's head was almost out, the doctor did a quick episiotomy.  After just a few more pushes, her entire head came out, and the doctor grabbed her tiny body and placed her on my chest.  It was surreal - I don't even remember how I responded.  They took her over to clean her off while I was being stitched.  I asked about her apgar scores - 9 and 9! They told me that she was exactly 7 pounds, 19 3/4 inches, and beautiful.  Chris stepped away to take pictures and hold our sweet baby for the first time.  Once she was all snuggled up, they brought her back to me.  She was so beautiful!  The doctors kept praising me on my awesome labor - 5 hours total, 1 hour of pushing, and NO epidural! They told me that I could come back and have as many babies as I wanted.  I was so proud of myself.  I never thought I could do it, but I did! And now, Chris and I have the greatest reward.

 

Our little Evie Rae o' Sunshine :)

Any Day Now

I'm 39w3d pregnant today.  I can't believe it.  Everlyn could literally come at any time now! I'm feeling much less stressed now that school is done, graduation has passed, and we're finding time to get our house in order (sort of).  We still have lots to do, but I suppose we would always feel that way.  I think the craziest part is just knowing that she could make her arrival at any time, but not knowing when that time is! We thought she was going to come early based on how I was progressing, but things have slowed in the last couple weeks.  She might even be late.

Lots of people have asked me if I'm "done" being pregnant.  In some ways, yes.  These last few days have been increasingly more uncomfortable.  I think the worst part is the intense burning pain that I have in my ribs on my right side.  It's been there for about 10 weeks now, but it has gotten much worse.  I have a lot of trouble sleeping because of it.  I also think I've finally reached that "beached whale" stage, haha! I know my stomach has been big for awhile, but just recently has it gotten nearly impossible for me to go from sitting or lying down to standing without some difficulty.  But despite these discomforts, I'm a little sad that our journey is coming to an end.  I feel like I didn't get to fully enjoy the pregnancy experience because of school and my internship taking up so much time and causing such stress.  And as excited as I am to meet our baby girl, I know that she is going to grow up so fast.  I want to cherish every day of her sweet life, even before she is here with us.  I'm hoping that these next few days (or hours, or weeks) will allow me to soak in the last joys of being pregnant. 

Evie, we're ready for you.  (Sort of.)