Jealousy

This post is going to basically make me sound like a horrible person. And I feel like a horrible person for thinking these things, so that's okay.

As an update, our pregnancy is going very well so far. We're in the home stretch - the third trimester - and I can hardly believe it. My belly seems huge (to me, at least), but I know it's only going to get bigger. And soon, we will be holding our little girl.

One of the other things that comes with being so far along is hearing about other people who are getting pregnant. Suddenly, I am not the newly pregnant person anymore. Just in the last few days, I have heard of several friends and acquaintances who are expecting their second (or fifth) child. I should be happy for these people. I desperately want to be happy for them. But instead, I am jealous. Yes, jealous. And I know that makes no sense whatsoever. How can I be jealous of something I currently have? The truth is, I have no idea. All I know is that this is how I am feeling. And I hate it. I want the pain that came with our not-so-long-even-though-it-felt-like-forever wait to have a baby to just go away. But for some reason, I'm finding out that having a baby (or at least being pregnant with one) does not cure that pain and worry. And in turn, the jealousy. I wish it would just all go away. I really feel like a monster for feeling like this, but I don't know how to change. Of course, I'm praying about it, but I still find myself struggling.