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The past few months, I have really been struggling with just "letting go" of this infertility business.  Failed medication after failed medication, I was losing hope.  When the nurse called and told me that I would probably need to see a specialist, I felt stuck.  What to do? We want to adopt anyway, so wouldn't it be smarter to put money towards that instead of fertility treatments (which might not even work)?

Why does it have to be so difficult?

And then suddenly, these last few days, I have started to be at peace with the struggle.  I have fertility issues.  And that's okay.

Maybe my family won't ever be quite as large as I had hoped or imagined.  Maybe I'll only get to feel those sweet little kicks in my belly one time.

At least I got to feel them one time.  Some women aren't so fortunate.

So now, I am here.  At peace, for now at least.  Content with my little family.  And although I'm not looking forward to making decisions about the next step in our journey, I can appreciate where we are right now.