Tuesday, October 29, 2013

mama guilt

Ever have those days where you feel like you've failed?

That's me today.

As a mom, I try to do my very best for my daughter.  I want to feed her the healthiest food, dress her in the cutest clothes, and teach her everything she needs to learn.  Sometimes, I get so caught up in these petty little things.  Yes, I want to feed my daughter healthy food, but chicken nuggets aren't going to spoil that every now and then.  And so what if her shirt has stains on it? That's not going to matter to her, so why does it matter so much to me? 

With all of these mental "must-do" lists, it's so easy to lose sight of what really matters - making sure that Evie knows she is loved unconditionally.  Am I really showing her that when I feed her organic food, or does she see it more when we snuggle and watch Sesame Street together in our pjs?  

What makes my agenda so important?

I need to let go of these things, these matters of secondary importance, and just let myself be in the moment with my daughter.  I want her to remember that we played in the leaves and read stories and built towers, not that she wore cute clothes or ate three servings of fruit everyday.  I want her to remember the love she felt.

It's not going to be an easy transition for me as the perfectionist that I am, but it starts with grace.  

Let me find grace in tomorrow.

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