Tuesday, July 8, 2014

oh life, and breaking up

My thoughts are in so many places this evening that I am finding it difficult to express what is on my mind.  For one, brokenness.  The brokenness all around.  Maybe God has opened my eyes to something bigger than myself recently, or maybe I am just now stopping to notice.  There is so much hurt around me that I find myself on the verge of weeping when I really think about it.  I'm not even going to try to put it into words for fear of simplifying something of such magnitude.

As far as our little family, we are doing well.  Amber is growing like a weed, and Evie's communication continues to astonish me every day.  She wakes up each morning with a hunger and zest for life that I can only wish I had.  I am hanging in there - some days are better than others.  I love these girls to bits and pieces, but sometimes I let life get the best of me.  And so we continue to learn and grow together.

And here's where the breaking up comes into play... I need a break from blogging for awhile.  (I know, I haven't been updating much anyway, but hear me out.)  I love this little space for what it is - a place to dump my thoughts, save memories, and hopefully inspire someone on occasion.  But it is poisoning my soul in this season of life.  I am constantly trying to be something for an audience that truly doesn't matter.  I want my family to appear as if we have it together.  I want my daughters to seem quirky and trendy and lovely all the time.  I feel pressured to capture photos that prove that our life is always beautiful and abundantly joyful.  It is tiring, you know, trying to keep up with my idea of how my life should look.  And so I have begun finding ways to cut out the noise, the distractions, the pressure.  At the end of the day, I want to know that I have truly lived, not just made it seem so.  I want to drink in all that the days have to offer.  And so, for now, this is a step to a simpler life.  It feels like stepping into the shady trees and taking a deep breath.  If you do still read, please forgive me.  I hope to be back someday, when I am ready.  For now, I am free.

(I'll leave you with a few final photos.)

Be free, friends.

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